It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
