i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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