somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
