I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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