The best revenge is premature balding
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
