shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
