false alarm. still invincible.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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