I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
