You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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