i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
