I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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