Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
