we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
