why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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