and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
