I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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