I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
