great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
