wat bout pragnant strippers??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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