call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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