There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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