just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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