You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
