Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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