I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
