mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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