If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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