How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
