that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
