you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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