me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
