I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
