my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
