Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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