if you like me you must not know who I am
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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