if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
