i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
