wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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