I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
