is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
