u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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