i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
