Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
