No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we're making bets on your personal life
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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