i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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