I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
