The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
