no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
