the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
