shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
