Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
