Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
