i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
