i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
