I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
