She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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