Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
