Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
