i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize