I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Holy sore nipples Batman
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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