I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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