sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
