just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
