Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
